fat fatness.

i was a little insane when i said that i would be posting a picture of myself in order to inspire me to lose the baby weight.  i don't need to torture myself.  we recently got a wii fit and you have to set up a profile.  the board that you stand on weighs you and can tell you very interesting things like where your center of gravity is or how poor your posture is... and how ENORMOUS you are.  it really is quite lovely.  you tell it your height and they combined it with your weight to make a cartoon (aka mii) that is physically accurate.  so in a matter of seconds my mii developed a spare tire.  and the screen told me that i am overweight.  there was no way that i could tell the wii that i recently had a baby and that my boobs must count for 5lbs because i am nursing and have a VERY healthy milk supply!  i also couldn't tell it that i also developed a pretty big sweet tooth during this pregnancy.  mainly because i perfected the art of making nanaimo bars.  i also perfected the art of eating them.  i would make them for every special occasion like birthdays and christmas and lunch.  losing this weight could be a doozy.

  i honestly had a cranky day earlier this week because i took a long look in the mirror.  i became angry.  it wasn't fair that you gain weight from being pregnant.  not only do you change your everyday actions for the safety of the unborn baby and get to deliver the baby drug free and are put on a short leash with the newborn because you are her food supply, you also get to be 20 pounds larger.  i had worked so hard to get the body i had before.  crossfit is something i was very proud of being a part of.... 

so for a good part of the day i was very "grumpy".  i'd look at my thin/fit husband and get jealous.  then gareth called me on my attitude.  i told him that i couldn't help it.  and he said quietly, "yes you can"  now, at that moment he wasn't saying yes you can lose the weight.  he meant you can change your attitude.  but it snapped me out of my funk immediately.  yes you can.  i realized that i was feeling sorry for myself.  and was forgetting just how lucky i am.  i have 2 beautiful healthy girls, a rad house, and a very very very loving husband that could teach classes on perfecting husband and father skills.  

so with all of that in mind, i am on my way to pre pregnancy form.  but i'm still not putting up a picture!

we also realized that i need more alone time.  today i read the book "the reader".  i still have 3 & 4 of the twilight series to read, but i get wayyyy too involved in those books.  this was a great book.  the author gets pretty deep with why people do and think the way they do.  it is set after the holocaust.  for some reason i have always been drawn to stories with the holocaust in it.  every essay or speech i wrote in high school and college that was of a subject of choice was about the holocaust.  the book isn't mainly about that, but the main female character was once a concentration camp guard.  there is a movie version out starring kate winslet as the lead.  it is a short book and i'm glad i had the chance to read it.  there are some pretty racy parts in it, so its prob not for everyone.

i hope everyone is staying warm.  it is 12 degrees outside but feels like 4.  yikes.  around this time every year we get to see some of gareth's side of the family.  this winter feels incomplete without a trip to austin or oregon.  stay tuned to see if we make a last minute getaway!