my first true love

the hardest part about losing Dixie is the little things. like walking into the house and hollering for her. or looking at the window when we pull up to the house to see if she was enjoying the sunlight. looking through the shower door to see if she is waiting for me when i am done. these are all tiny things i have done out of habit for nearly 16 years. and these are the little things that bring me to tears automatically. i can be just fine and talk about her sometimes but when i am home, it is tough.

Dixie was a hard dog for the average person to love. she was stinky and whiny. and if she could tell that you didn't like her she wouldn't leave you alone. but she was all mine.

after i graduated high school and had started college, i made the completely odd decision to get a dog. i didn't even really have a house that i lived in. i was half staying at my parents and half crashing at my boyfriend's or best friend's apartment. but i really wanted a dog. so we went to the humane society and looked around. it was packed with big dogs so i asked the guy that ran it if they ever get little dogs in. he said when they do, they get adopted immediately but i could leave my number and he would call me when a little dog came it. so i left my number. that little action set my life on a course that would mean i wouldn't be lonely EVER for the next 16 years. a few days later my mom said "guess what! the humane society called me and said they had a little dog for me!" and i responded "Mom! they didn't randomly call you! they were calling for me! my dog has arrived at the shelter!" so we immediately made the trek out to the shelter. i told the guy that i was there to get the little dog he called about. and he said "she is so little and gets so cold, so i have her in my house, i will go grab her" apparently the guy lived right on the property. he walked back up and he had her in his coat. all i could see was one of her ears. then her head popped up and she saw me. he let her down and the first thing i noticed was her legs. she looked like a fawn. so long compared to the rest of her body. i immediately gave him $50 and we went to the college to show my parents. we spent the trip trying to figure out her name. he had been calling her Taco. at the time the tacobell yo queiro taco bell commercials were huge. she looked a little like a chihuahua... we quickly tested out new names and she looked at me as soon as i said Dixie. because i had spent all my money on buying her, my big brother bought her food and a leash and collar and a bowl. from then on she and i enjoyed a few years of partying pretty hardcore and dorkos always saying "yo quiero taco bell" it drove me insane. she moved with me to my first place...well every place. she would sneak out and run away. she ran SOOO fast! i had her for 3 years when i met G. at the time, she was staying with my parents until i found a new place to live at in Branson. i missed her so much. i needed her in my nook under the covers for me to fall asleep. so i would put a pillow there, but it didn't work, so we went and got her and we were never again without her.

until now.

people were always amazed that i still had Dixie. when i picked her up that day at the shelter i had no idea that she was going to be my gal through getting married and having children. we have such a history. Noii is even named after her. Dixie Mae..Sanoii Mae. i realized that since you don't really remember your life before 4, i have sorta lived more with her than without her if you think about it. that's what makes life without her so hard. i have had this tiny loved one around me for my forever and suddenly she is gone. she was so little, but without her, our house seems enormous and empty.

if i have one lesson to share from Dixie is this:
since she was 9, i started worrying about her dying. i thought she was old at that time and for 7 years i had a random worry that my time with her would be done soon. i guess i you could say i was trying to prepare myself for her to die one day. it didn't consume me, but i thought about it often. i am a worrier to begin with. i was trying to make it so i wouldn't hurt so much when it would happen for real. when we had actually said good bye to her, i was completely buried with sadness. all of those years of worrying didn't help me handle her death any easier. all those people (including G) that say worrying is a waste of time are 100% correct. i actually said that i thought about this moment so often, and it made no difference and how foolish i was to have worried about losing her for so long. i mean, it didn't keep me from loving her or anything but that thought just crept in a lot, esp when i worked at a vet clinic and assisted in so many euthanasias.

so my gift from Dixie is the knowledge first hand that worrying is lame. it distracts you from living in the moment. oh and it is okay to be stinky...

p.s. Dixie loved sunshine. so it was quite fitting that it was a beautiful sunny day yesterday. and today as well. so in honor of Dixie can you go enjoy the sun on your face for a minute?

oh KALE no! (or any phrase replacing the word hell with kale)

i am currently in a weight loss competition. trying to get back down to my "clinton chandler bootcamp" weight. so far it has been a success!

i want to share a super quick recipe. i love it and it is SUPER GOOD for you because it is basically just baked KALE. and kale is considered to be in the SUPERFOOD category. a top cancer fighter and all around good food. go here to check it out:here

i love a kale shake. just kale, a tomato, celery and a banana and BLAMMO!! a shake, that looks gross, you have to eat with a spoon, but actually ain't half bad.

but this recipe is tops: i found it here:

just preheat the oven to 350. take a bunch of kale that has been washed, dried and torn from the stem into chip-sized pieces and toss it with a bit of olive oil and (itty bitty) amount of salt on it. lay it flat on a cookie sheet with parchment paper. baked for 10- 11 minutes. eat it. feel great. and send me a text message thanking me for it.

p.s. i got that there kale picture from here.

family time

we went to austin tx for a few days to celebrate christmas and see family and laugh and cry. it was a wonderful trip. i love austin. it is a fun place to visit and i love the overall vibe of this city. if i thought that i could drive around in it without freaking out, i would really try to move there! really really.

the grand prize for making the trek to texas is a tiny athletic, artistic, comedic powerhouse named kathie. yep. she is someone easy to look up to and doesn't have a condescending bone in her body. i am sure her day is filled with many "hey kathie, can i ask you a quick question, i figured you're the one that would know this." she is full of valuable information and offers it up in a warm natural way. we talk about fear and sadness but in the same conversation we are very much like middle school aged nerds laughing at farts and such. my random break out in ghetto soul singing doesn't bother her and she seems to appreciate my attempts at hip-hop shaking of the booty. she even let me meet some of her homies. rad homies. super rad welcoming homies.


i really hit the gift jackpot this year. i got some big stuff, but there are a few little things that all equally had me smiling and fighting back some tears. little simple things like measuring spoons, a sifter, perfectly dainty earrings, a peewee herman sweatshirt, a book oprah told me to read. these unexpected perfect for me things really got to me. but there is always that one present that stands out each year. this one easily stands out. it came in the form of a calm, helpful, thoughtful, assertive, beardy brother-in-law. it's weird, i know. but easy to explain.

something happens when you are visiting family and trying to get 10 people to the same location at the same time. there is always someone holding up the flow and having a struggle. this time around it was me. it is never me. i don't like people waiting for me even though i am married to a wonderful guy that usually excels at that particular role. i was slow moving, and sluggish. and cloudy from not enough sleep because of a very uncharacteristically grumpy needy 2 year old. she was super clingy to me and i sort of always wanted to take the easy way out and just stay home. taking care of this 2 year old is my full time job that wears me down and gets me flustered esp when people are waiting. this time around the usually least patient family member turned out to be the relaxed helpful one. keeping a breakdown at bay and literally swooping in in a flash and fixing the cranky 2 year old in an instant. sort of taking her by surprise and being patient with her. taking her and letting her be a 2 year old. without me having a second to say "oh no, that's ok i got her" it started our 2nd night there when we ran out to get donuts and left her with uncle matt ("uncle-ma") and i wondered if she was being a handful. when we got home she was asleep on his lap. the rest of our stay he just sort of fixed her with calm uncleness. and that means a lot to a mom that is constantly around her kids. constantly. it is weird to sort of channel matt's baby-whispering now that we are home. esp since matt is one of my favorite people to dish shit out to. who dishes it back quite easily.



other wonderful things happened on our trip that had me reminiscing about funny things that happened in my childhood. thanks to a few talks with my niece and nephew. but that gets its own post.

Best Show In Branson for Families, Kids, Teens, Young Adults, and...Old Adults: BUCKETS N BOARDS!!!

hands down. i went to their show last thursday and i realized that i was actually LAUGHING OUT LOUD for most of the show. and as i looked around, everyone else was too. the whole audience was a mixture of every age. the kids love it! and it is not often that something is actually entertaining enough to get kids to be glued to their seats and watch something with excitement. parents, teens, and grandparents were sitting there with same excitement. i was thinking that this is perfect for family reunions or church groups or any get together. i looked on branson ticket websites and BUCKETS N BOARDS is literally the most reasonable priced show in town! there is a family price that is less than $50!! compared to other shows this is way less! i couldn't believe it.

this show is good clean fun which as a mom is great so i don't have to try to explain anything questionable later. also, you don't have to sit there and try to keep your kids to be silent since this is a rhythm and tap show and you are encouraged to get into the act! you actually don't want the show to end, but you get to meet these funny/cute guys as you leave the theater and they'll chat and sign the t shirt or drum sticks you buy!

they have day time shows either 10am or 2pm throughout the week. go see the show if you make a trip to branson and you will be so happy you did!!

check out the show:

www.bucketsnboards.com

Sam the Great

my story with Sam starts with a friend that adopted him from an adoption event at petsmart. she brought him in to the vet clinic i used to work at as soon as she got him. he was sweet and shy and would stay close to everyone by sitting on their feet. he was 2 years old. a few months later, he was hit by car. he had a pin put in his leg and half of his tail removed. he spent a lot of time at the clinic and we all loved him. he was just so mild and calm but didn't want to get off your feet. my friend moved to california around this time and we were taking care of her house and animals. one night i went to visit sam. (this is my favorite story) when i went to leave, he followed me to my car. i told him to get back inside. i drove down the road through the gate of the neighborhood and onto the busier street. i stopped at the stoplight that is maybe a third of a mile from their house. and heard a scratching at my car door! Sam! i let him in the car and the rest is history. he really loved me from the beginning. i loved him too.

7 years later, i am reminding myself of a promise i made. the main lesson i learned from years of work at a vet clinic, is knowing when to say good-bye. i promised myself that i wouldn't let my dogs suffer. so many animals that we euthanized should have been put to sleep months or even years earlier. but now i am struggling with this same situation. now i know that it's just not as easy as you think.

Sam has a fast growing tumor on his neck that is inoperable. other than yelping when the left side of his neck is touched, he is completely fine. his bloodwork is great, he eats and drinks fine, he is just as sweet as ever. but one day soon, the tumor will make it impossible for him to breath. we have meds that will help for now but basically we are just buying time. so this is tough. he is perfect right now. but is this a blessing that we have a couple weeks to show him how much we love him? of course!

We have 2 dogs. He is 9 and Dixie is at least 13. it's weird because i have sort of been preparing myself for when Dixie passes away. she's an old lady. Sam makes up for the fact that Dixie is crazy and kinda smells like poop a lot. He is so kind and calm. very calm. like, use him as a pillow calm. the girls actually use him as a chair. if i get up to go to a different room, he follows. he is always right there. a constant. he needs no leash (but we still put him on one when we leave the house...#1 rule in my book) he stays up in bed with Sanoii when i get up in the morning. we know when she is awake when he comes downstairs. this came in super handy when she was a tiny baby. i could go on and on about Sam. (his full name i gave him: samuel l. jackson)

Although this is a sad time for us, i urge everyone to have a dog. esp families with kids. i know everyone thinks of the cleaning up and the commitment they take. but that is a tiny price to pay. there is a special bond between animals and people. i am so lucky to have Sam in my life. i learn from him daily. he loves to go outside and catch a breeze on his face. now i do, too. he is patient and i am learning his ways. he is loyal and calm. if you know me, i am not calm. but working on it.

So we have some extra days with our Sam. we've spent everyday since friday (the day we went to the dr.) outside, enjoying the sun. treats are aplenty. we're taking him to Wendy's later. he loves junior bacon cheeseburgers. i am using this time with him to say thank you. and i will learn everything he has to teach.

Sam, thanks for making my family complete.

fall artsy fun stuff

hello there! it's been awhile but i am happy to do this post and show you guys a few cute things i've been working on since i got a tad burnt out on cake making this summer. fall is my absolute favorite time of year and it really inspires creativity. i really enjoy checking out crafty people blogs and trying out some online tutorials.

i really had the most fun making this dinner with my older daughter. this is super fast and easy and i got the idea from here.
basically, you just take uncooked spaghetti and put it through cut up hotdogs and boil them! i recommend you try this with the kiddos!



i made these pumpkins, i didn't use a tutorial, but i saw that this blog is working on one.

i also made this owl. i love him. every christmas gift that i give this year will be something i make. i wish these guys were christmas-y.


before i go, here's a picture of something i really dig! i love 60s illustration, and this picture is tops! it reminds me of my niece and nephew, Ramona and Arlo.


credit
oh and i'd love this coat. (from urban outfitters) i love big neck coats and sweaters.


now, go make some art people!

Sanoii. The walking baby.

it has been an exciting few days here at the Sever house. we knew that noii would walk soon after she started standing. and out of the blue... she did!! we decided it was because she started carrying around snacks to eat and you can't crawl and eat at the same time so she came up with walking!

it also helps that she has a big sister that she wants to follow around. everywhere.

so just a quick post to put this video up!